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A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-gebra is a problem for us,” Gonzales said.
“They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator with coordinates in every country.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush s aid, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more profound statement by the president.
You Must Be From Away 
>As someone who lives IN Amurika, this current occupant truly embarrases me no end and I feel I should somehow apologize…But as an Original occupant of Turtle Island who has seen more bloody pathetic versions of manifest destiny I can honestly say “Tain’t my Damn Gummint” I’m only a citizen at gunpoint.I tell white friends all the time that if those durned Eye-rackees just behave themselves and be good little Uncle Tomahawks maybe in a few generations then the Great White Father will let them have a few casinos….Wanna dance another round of the ol’ Apocalypse Waltz? this might be the last for the band from the looks of things.Great site btw