It happened like this……I was back in New Zealand on vacation and someone picked up on the fact that – despite the bona fide accent – I wasn't local. "You must be from away, then" she said……..
I’m on record as being a dyed-in-the-wool cat-hater.
They’re without exception devious, self-centred, manipulative, murderous shits.
Give me a decent-sized dog (Labrador/Retriever or similar) any day…
The place we rented in Roussillon has this resident-in-charge, Blacky.
Lurked around the place until a well-directed shove sent a clear message to sod off.
So far so good.
At some stage, an intruder in the form of an evil-looking orange monster appeared on the scene.
We called it “Trump”
Much yowling and dick-swinging at all hours and Blacky took up residence on the wall of our terrace to observe Trump laying claim to the territory below.
Well-aimed rock moved him on.
I now appear to have become Blacky’s friend.
Bastard turns up every morning and follows me around.
….when the Mistral blows all the tiles off church steeples.
Oh.
They’re built that way so that there are no tiles to blow off?
Cue for a song….
Noel Coward was a charmer.
As a writer he was brahma.
Velvet jackets and pyjamas,
“the gay divorce” and other dramas.
There ain’t half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain’t half been some clever bas-tards.
Van Gogh did some eyeball pleasers.
He must have been a pencil squeezer.
He didn’t do the Mona Lisa,
That was an Italian geezer.
There ain’t half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain’t half been some clever bas-tards.
Einstein can’t be classed as witless.
He claimed atoms were the littlest.
When you did a bit of splitting-em-ness
Frighten everybody shitless
There ain’t half been some clever bastards.
Probably got help from their mum
(who had help from her mum).
There ain’t half been some clever bastards.
Now that we’ve had some,
let’s hope that there’s lots more to come.
There ain’t half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain’t half been some clever bas-tards.
Okey-dokey!
Oh!
Segovia.
Da-laa la-laa da-daa da-lee
De dump di dump de dump-dump-diddle li-lee.
There ain’t half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain’t half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain’t half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain’t half been some clever…
…bastards.
