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Good lad that he is, (the other) jb at The Hits Just Keep On Coming invited me to again join him and our friends for this year’s Vinyl Record Day blogswarm.
An honour and a pleasure.

I was abducted the other week.

My cousin Ruth (in England) connived with Ms jb (in Germany) to get me to

a) book and buy airline tickets to Manchester

b) hire a car

c) book a hotel

d) be at aforesaid cousin’s home at stupid o’clock on my birthday.

At which time the blindfold was removed and I was presented with a ticket for the cricket test match between England and South Africa at Headingly in Leeds

(Don’t expect to understand the basic concept, let alone the intricacies – Ms jb’s been on the scene in excess of 30 years and still fails to grasp even minor nuances.)

It’s not a game that demands one’s constant attention, given that a test match lasts for 5 days and doesn’t necessarily result in a decisive outcome and it’s important to have distractions to pass the time.

Wander off and get a beer.

Talk to the neighbours.

Watch the cricket.

Listen to the radio.

Wander off to the Used Beer Department.

Watch the cricket.

Wander off and get a another beer.

Read the newspapers.

In which I learnt that Brian May and I share the same birthday.

AND that he’s a year older than me, something which very few people appear to be these days.

Brian May’s a good lad – was awarded his doctorate in astrophysics just the other day, decades after interrupting his studies to work with Queen – and he has an endearing sneakiness to him.

Not at all British and “It’s just not cricket”, as they say

It’s like when you creep up behind your sister and go “BOO!” when she’s on the phone to her boyfriend.

Or when you continuously play David Lindley’s (Ry Cooder’s, actually) “Do you want my job” and similarly quiet stuff to entice the wife along to one of his concerts.

At which he plays “Cat Food Sandwiches“, “Meat Man” and “Mercury Blues” et al to the (perceived, in some quarters) exclusion of anything vaguely melodic.

Joe Walsh is good for sneakiness, too – “Turn To Stone” from “You Can’t Argue With A Sick Mind” is the perfect track to piss off visitors who find Moon Martin and Joe Jackson on the same mix tape “grating”.

There they sit, dreading the next track which surprisingly leads off with a muted piano/synthesiser intro – “melodic, even, not like the other crap he plays” -that continues long enough to lull them into thinking that the whole song’s going to be like this. Ah, the RELIEF…

Not a chance. And I’ve got the remote…

Best of all, though, is something that Brian May and Friends did in 1983 – “Star Fleet Project“.

Perfect pedigree for Vinyl Record Day

It’s never been released on CD – some people wished it had never been released on vinyl, for that matter – “self-indulgent drivel” was one of the more flattering reviews, if I remember correctly.

I loved it. Still do.

The title track‘s tops “Turn To Stone”, my cousin and Ms jb for deviousness.

It doesn’t really even attempt to sneak up – it’s blatantly obvious that it’s going to be a heavy-on-the-guitars album and after all the finger-tapping and getting things (sort of) in time, (sort of) in tune and (sort of) lined up in the intro, the drums cut in and then the guitars get a bit more assertive and you figure you’re pretty much there.

Until………

the first power chord which continues, fondly interspersed with bomber runs, tremelo and whatever Brian squeezes out of the Red Special, to the end of the track.

If you read the liner notes and skip through….

“Star Fleet is the theme tune for a superb TV sci-fi series broadcast in England for kids of all ages; Japanese visuals and British soundtrack including music by Paul Bliss. The heroes pilot space vehicles which can assemble into a giant robot for land battles. The aliens fly fantastic insect-like craft which spawn smaller fighting machines; all intent on possession of the secret of F Zero One…Having been introduced to all this by my small boy, I became equally obsessed by it, and formed the idea of making a hard rock version of the title theme.”

….you’ll get to The Friends and know why: Eddie van Halen, Alan Gratzer (REO Speedwagon) and Phil Chen (Jeff Beck).

8:06 of pure mayhem. Quite wonderful.

I’ve had people of a delicate nature stand it for as long as 4 minutes, get up from the dinner table – meal unfinished – and leave, never to be heard from again.

Sod ’em and good riddance…..


Technical notes: Line In from a Denon F-101 receiver headphone jack to an Apple PowerBook, captured by Audio Hijack Pro and edited in Fission