I’m on record as being a dyed-in-the-wool cat-hater.

They’re without exception devious, self-centred, manipulative, murderous shits.

Give me a decent-sized dog  (Labrador/Retriever or similar) any day…

The place we rented in Roussillon has this resident-in-charge, Blacky.

Lurked around the place until a well-directed shove sent a clear message to sod off.

So far so good.

At some stage, an intruder in the form of an evil-looking orange monster appeared on the scene.

We called it “Trump”

Much yowling and dick-swinging at all hours and Blacky took up residence on the wall of our terrace to observe Trump laying claim to the territory below.

Well-aimed rock moved him on.

I now appear to have become Blacky’s friend.

Bastard turns up every morning and follows me around.

What’s French for “piss off….”?