You Must Be From Away

>Ouch…

Posted on 14 June, 2011 by jb

“The Speaker, Lockwood Smith, generally does a good job of controlling standards in the House.

As a quizmaster on children’s television programmes before entering Parliament, he is well qualified for the role”

Biting wit from the “Nelson Mail”

Posted in This is New Zealand | Tagged Nelson Mail | Leave a comment

Location: BP petrol station, Richmond
“Pump 8, the Nelson Mail and oh, I’ll take an $8 Executive Car Wash”
(“Executive” is the cheapest. For $12, you get “President”, $16 gets you “Potentate” which involves the sudsy bit being performed by vestal virgins or something similar).
“Nah mate” (DON’T CALL ME MATE! I’M NOT YOUR MATE, I’M YOUR FUCKING CUSTOMER!) says callow youth “Carwash is stuffed, eh. No idea when it’s gunna be fixed, eh”
“Just pump 8 and the Mail, then”
“Don’t want the wash, mate?
Shouldn’t have said it, but….
“Now, if it’s not working and you don’t know when it’s going to be fixed, why would I want to buy a car wash voucher right now?”
“Aw, to use it later, eh mate”

Location: Pak’n’Save, Richmond
Standing in front of the delicatessen counter – peering over the top, actually – with the intention of buying some bacon in quantities smaller than the pre-packed 2k chunks.
Standing there for quite a while, in fact.
“Wanna hand theya” ask a voice from somewhere on the other side.

As if I had a choice.

Did I look as if I was waiting for the flight to Auckland?

Shouldn’t have said it, but….
“Well, given that there’s plate glass between me and the 4 rashers of bacon I’ve got my eye on, yes, I probably will need serving…”

Bloody hell….

Posted in It must be me | Leave a comment

He works in the nursery. He obviously enjoys that.

Posted on 9 June, 2011 by jb

Vincent, 73, is in his 44th year in prison. The Parole Board says he has an “enormous” history of sexual offending.

“On his own admission, more than 100 children were abused by him in the past,” the board said in its decision from a parole hearing held on May 31. There was no proposal for release put forward.

The board said Vincent presented at his hearing as “very pleasant to us”.

“He was well-dressed and alert. He describes himself as being very happily situated at the present time.

He works in the nursery. He obviously enjoys that.”

Bloody hell…..

Posted in This is New Zealand, WTF | Leave a comment

No, I didn’t SAY that….

Posted on 9 June, 2011 by jb

The Ministry of Economic Development has not done any analysis of where the 170,000 new jobs promised in the budget will come from.

Acting Economic Development Minister David Carter told the commerce select committee today he was not aware that any analysis had been done.

“Bear in mind the Government hasn’t said it will create the 170,000 new jobs – the budget said there will be 170,000 jobs,” he said.

Asked by committee chairwoman Lianne Dalziel which sectors the jobs would come from, Mr Carter said he did not know and had not done any work in that area.

More frightening stuff here

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