>Those moon-faced looks

Posted on 9 April, 2008 by jb

>

My first thought was “Oh, Tommy Hilfiger’s a VERY equal opportunities employee. Hiring all those hearing-impaired kids. Good on them”.

On closer inspection, it turns out that they’ve all got these dinky little walky-talky things with a Secret Service-type gizmo stuck in their ears

Not deaf at all, in fact.

I guess it’s pretty useful if you’re protecting the President, but in a broom closet-sized store in the Carlsbad outlet mall…?

To the embarrassment of the retinue, I inquired with one of the children masquerading as staff as to their (the headset’s) usefulness.

“Well, some of us are here and some are out back, so we have to be in contact all the time….?”

Valley Girl semi question mark at the end.

“Ah” I said “Just in case you get lost”

“Yeah, and we have to call the manager sometimes, cause there are some things that we can’t do….?”.

“Like sell alcohol and stuff?”

Moon-faced look. Slack-jawed, too.

I can’t help it….

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>Knock, knock

Posted on 8 April, 2008 by jb

>

“Who’s there?

“Hi!”

“Hi who?”

“Hi Drangea”

Stunning example of the species in Parnell, Auckland, New Zealand

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>Beer is good for you. Discuss.

Posted on 8 April, 2008 by jb

>Beer is not only healthy – lots of fluid, chock full of vitamins and yeast etc – but it can save you from financial ruin.

Which is something not to be toyed with in these trying times….

Jones the Grocer in Auckland has got it right – order a beer with your steak sandwich and you’ll save $145.

Definitely my kind of people.

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>I have a friend who’s an artist

Posted on 5 April, 2008 by jb

>

Which sounds suspiciously familiar to Richard Feynman’s “Ode on a flower“, but anyway.

She’s very direct.

If she sees something she doesn’t like, it “shouldn’t be on the planet”.

If you call her on the cellphone and the call’s breaking up, she doesn’t say that.

She says “You’re just burps and farts”

This is her story of “anal living”.

One of her collectors is married to a man who likes things “just so”.

They’ve moved into a McMansion in a new subdivision.

She’s invited round to dinner and doesn’t see a lot of her work on the walls, so she (discreetly) asks her hostess where the other pieces are.

“Oh, HE doesn’t think they GO…”

HE, on the other hand, is inordinately proud of his size-of-a-small-car stainless steel gas barbecue.

Sparklingly new looking.

“Wow. Did you just buy it?” asks the artist.

“Oh no, but you have to keep it CLEAN”

Continues.

“We’ve used it all summer. I just HATE food smells in the house”

“Do you poo outside then, too” asks the artist.

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>Keeping things trimmed

Posted on 1 April, 2008 by jb

>Crikey, we’ve got a lot of lawn down here.

Forgot how big the section is…

So I bought myself a moa today

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>Older readers

Posted on 1 April, 2008 by jb

>Kids’ books are frequently quite excellent.

I heard Paul Jennings, an Australian author, on National Radio the other day. Intelligent, eloquent and funny.

Paradox Books in Devonport didn’t have anything in stock. Neither di Unity Books in High Street in Auckland.

Dymocks is a chain (and I mostly try to avoid them), but they had it in stock.

“Over here”, she said leading me to the “Older Readers” department.

“Oh, that’s nice” I said ” A department especially for people of my age group. Larger print, I suppose”

“No” she said ” This is for 12 year olds”

I give up……

Posted in Bloody hell | 1 Comment

>Pull the plug

Posted on 30 March, 2008 by jb

>

I was visiting a mate who’s a physician at a psychiatric hospital

I asked him how they determined whether a not a patient should be institutionalised?

“Well”, he said “We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub”

“OK” I said “A normal person would use the bucket, because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup”

“No”, he said “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

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>A bit early…

Posted on 29 March, 2008 by jb

>

Getting on the first flight out of Nelson yesterday morning.

Being the sophisticated, polished big-city gent that I am, I insist that Mrs jb boards the aircraft first, but obviously don’t think to give her the boarding passes.

She doesn’t get far.

Mandy (at the top of the stairs) is referred to husband-bringing-up-the-rear who purportedly has them.

“Well” she said “I knew you’d be good for something….”

6:50am is decidedly too early for flippancy of this severity……

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>I’m very sari

Posted on 29 March, 2008 by jb

>

Those taxi drivers at Auckland Airport are a pretty unhealthy-looking lot.

All look a bit Sikh to me…

Posted in This is New Zealand | Leave a comment

>On hearing voices

Posted on 28 March, 2008 by jb

>“Hi, jb”

I heard this voice, but I couldn’t work out where it was coming from.

We’d agreed to met Meg and Ben from Nelson Daily Photo at The Red Gallery on Bridge St in Nelson for a coffee, after having sparred occasionally from a safe distance.

“Hi, jb” said this voice.

Looked around.

Saw a friendly looking Japanese guy who I (correctly) assumed to be Ben, but I couldn’t see Meg.

Looked around some more.

No sign of Meg.

“Hey, jb. DOWN HERE!”

Well, she said she was short (and short-sighted) but….

Seriously, though.

It’s been an unusual experience over the past year, seeing a city and region that you know quite well through someone else’s eyes. And finding out that you have quite a number of shared acquaintances.

Meg stumbled over YMBFA just as we were ending our 3 month sojourn in Nelson last year (so we didn’t meet) and I picked up on the idea of starting a Mainz Daily Photo.

And so it continued.

Until Wednesday.

It was a really neat afternoon.

“Not a woman of few words” is a more-than-appropriate title for Meg’s blog (Ben plays the quiet, silent role very well, not that he’s got much choice) and we had a sparkling, erudite, wide-ranging and fun-filled chat.

And Jay Farnsworth, Red’s owner, hovered around the edges, making us coffee and feel very welcome and quietly enjoying her role of providing the environment for the meeting.

Looking forward to more of the same when we get down here for good.

And I DID try not to be irksome….

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