Little kids were pointing…. NSFW

Posted in Bad joke alert, Cousin Dave strikes again, Too good to miss | Leave a comment

Classic stuff

If there was more than one radio station (1ZB) that broadcast commercials (not a COMMERCIAL station – everything was run by the Broadcasting Corporation) in the 1960s, I can’t think of it.

EVERYONE in Auckland knew this jingle…

 

Posted in Too good to miss | Leave a comment

“His father was a Muslim, an atheist and a communist. All three..”

 

These are voters in Ohio, one of the 4 or 5 states that decide the US presidential election.

I thought the cretin at 1:42 was bad enough, but it gets worse.

Believe me

Posted in Airheads, This is America, WTF | 2 Comments

An American wingnut writes….

“The Bible says there will be consequences for electing Obama. Now they are starting. Earthquake in KY, Blizzard in NY, now explosions in IN. This is just the beginning.”

A response:
I wanted to ask you a couple of questions. I’m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be?
While thinking about that, can I ask another? One of my staff insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police?
Here’s one that’s really important because we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point?
Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side?
Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads?

Posted in Airheads, This is America, WTF | 2 Comments

An Australian comes clean

 

Posted in Too good to miss | 2 Comments

“The “Deer crossing” signs are there to let the deer know where to cross the road. Do they HAVE to be on the Innerstate?”

The mind boggles…

Posted in Airheads, This is America, WTF | 1 Comment

Husband’s cock for sale

 

Posted in I'm very sorry about this, Too good to miss | 1 Comment

I’ve got it sussed….!

Having a coffee the other day with Dr Rita Heuser and Uli Zawar at Sonntagskind in Gonsenheim and we got talking – as one does in the presence of someone as profoundly knowledgeable as Dr Heuser – about the origin of names.

Given that Zavar and Burland are as rare in Germany as hens’ teeth.

Uli reckons that her family name has its origin in linen weaving.

Don’t believe a word of it.

I got it all worked out and it happened like this:

Do you know how Nome in Alaska got its name?
No?
Well, a cartographer tasked with transposing survey data to a map identified an unnamed settlement, penciled in “Name?” for future research and off it went to the printers.

Do you know how Cream’s “Badge” got its name?
No?

It all has to do with Eric Clapton and George Harrison and the story’s in here.
Somewhere.

And everyone knows that immigrants arriving at Ellis Island got the names that the illiterate, half-deaf clerk understood from the huddled masses queued up in front of him.

Which is what happened with the Zawar family.

French, you see.
Didn’t speak the lingo.

Arrived somewhere in German-speaking territory and fronted up to apply for a telephone get registered and the illiterate, half-deaf clerk asked for their name..

Being friendly folk, they beamed and asked him how he was.

“Ça va?”

Illiterate, half-deaf clerk duly writes it down.

Phonetically…..

Posted in True stories | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

If Obama wins I’m moving to New Zealand

 

Twitter / Search – if obama wins new zealand:
Er, it’s not as if you can just TURN UP at the border and we’ll let you in just because you don’t feel like accepting the results of a (lower-case) democratic process

You have to APPLY.
Just like we have to to even VISIT the USA.
AND we have to pay for the privilege.

Oh, and we have strict gun laws.

Hardly anyone goes to church.

We drink a lot.

And we have socialised medicine.

You’d hate it here….

Posted in I'm very sorry about this, This is America, This is New Zealand | 6 Comments