>My wife, xxxxxxxxx, (Customer Number 30246733 or S06AWC1, not
sure) is your customer.

While I’ll admit to occasionally going into shock with associated
double vision when I see the bills for the kit that she orders from
you, it’s not absolutely necessary to send TWO catalogues to enable
me to establish the reason for my impending insolvency. And THREE –
arrived with the same post today – is definitely OTT.

Then again perhaps the cost of postage is the prime driver for your
cost-base, with the resulting incomprehensible (for me anyway – 35
quid for a bikini, strike a light…) pricing.

Then again I’m just a bloke so what do I know. Very succinctly put,
if I say so myself and I’m sure the statement will received nods from
the rest of the tribe.

Anyway – one’s perfectly adequate. None would be better – financial
survival might then be a distinct possibility.

Hello xxxx

Thanks for your email which did brighten up my day but I am sorry to hear that you are so inundated with catalogues.

Having now investigated, I can see that there are several accounts set up in your wife’s name. This is a technical issue at our end, I am afraid, but I am going to refer it onwards to the relevant department and we will do our best to put a stop to this.

Please let us know if you are inundated further with unwanted catalogues and I can assure you that it is not part of a cunning marketing plan – just good old-fashioned human and software errors.

Regards
Julie xxxx

Julie

On reflection, I have a better plan.

Send me more catalogues – 1000s and 1000s more. You’ll thus go insolvent through the sharp rise in marketing costs before I do and the whole thing will take its natural course.

Shame about your employment prospects, though, although I have no doubt that someone with your sense of humour and the ability to write an error-free email (no mean feat these days, I assure you) will have no trouble in finding a meaningful niche in the working world.

All the best

xxxxx