Go through the usual “Where are you from? New Zealand. Oh, how exciting I know someone who once went to Ireland” and when I go to pay, the cash register tape has started running out and there’s a fat green double stripe down the middle.

So I say ” Oh, that’s cool – foreigners get specially coloured receipts. Canadians too”

Blank look, as if I’m trying to explain quantum physics by yodelling, then confusion tinged with fear.

Backs away towards the panic button.

As I say – it must be me.