>The happiest person in New Zealand is a 75 year old widow, having retired to Nelson on a $75,000 income, living in a freehold property and with no dependent children.

Glaring obvious, really.

Nelson is blessed with a benign climate and battles annually with Blenheim for the title of Most Sunshine Hours.

She’s made it past the Biblical three-score-and-ten mark and there’s no-one around to fart in bed, leave the toilet seat up or moan about another pair of expensive shoes.

There’s more than enough cash in the bank to let her trundle out to the Monterey Cafe for a chat with the girls ona regular basis and if she plans it right, she”ll have spent it all just before she falls off the perch.
Sod the kids.

The unhappiest person is a middle-aged man, living in Southland, unemployed, never having married and with dependent children.

Almost.

Clerks are the unhappiest people.

I know why.

You come home from work with a pay packet that just beats a benefit payout and you’re confronted by the wife, who says ” Why don’t you go and have an accident so that I can live in Nelson on the proceeds of the life insurance policy. And take he kids while you’re at it…..”