The usual suspects, of course

Sgt. Carl Potter Jr. of the United States Secret Agent presently on an undercover mission in Syria who wants to give me $50m

My bank appears to have a new email address (skynetdiplomaticexpress@gmail.com) and tells me that my new bank ATM is ready if I’m first prepared to infect my computer with spam open the attached file for more details.

Mrs. Masha Engelhard is looking a new BOYFRIEND. She has BIG BOOBS and BIG BUTT….and she knows how to use them.

Capt. David Michael, assigned to 2nd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, 3rd Marine Expeditionary Force in Syria (didn’t know that Obama had invaded, but whatever…) who summoned up courage to offer me $10,570,000m.

Cheap bastard. Why not $50m…?

Gladys T. Trumbo who NEEDS some LOVE. (Johnath Haraway has some on offer, but I won’t go into details….)

But the pick of the crop has to be Jack from Microsoft Service Centre, who called this morning.

Apparently, my computer is totally screwed.

SO screwed that it’s been sending out cries for help which Microsoft Service Centre picked up and Jack can help me!

Thank goodness for that.

It’s evidently writhing with Microsoft malware and viri (We had an involved discussion as to whether it’s “virusses” or “viri” and – after 5 minutes of semantic discussion – settled on “viri” )

Anyway, all I have to do is to download some software (which will allow Jack to take control of my computer and charge me a ransom for releasing it back to me..) and Bob’s your uncle.

Or Jack

I neglected to mention that I left the Dark Side YEARS ago and it would be HIGHLY unlikely that my iMac would be sending out distress calls, but I DID ask him where he was calling from.

“Urine, California”

“Eh? Say again…?”

“Urine, California”

“Can you spell that?”

“U -R-I-N-E “

I can tell you EXACTLY what happened….

During their 5 minute indoctrination course in Bangalore, Randeep said to the gathered drones:

“Now, if somebody is asking you where are coming from, you should be saying you’re in California”

Scribble, scribble, scribble………Urine, California.

I gave him a brief anatomical lesson and told him to piss off…..