Everyone needs this….

atticIt’s Downworthy, a browser browser plug-in replaces hyberbolic headlines from bombastic viral websites with a slightly more realistic version. For example:

  • “Literally” becomes “Figuratively”
  • “Will Blow Your Mind” becomes “Might Perhaps Mildly Entertain You For a Moment”
  • “One Weird Trick” becomes “One Piece of Completely Anecdotal Horseshit”
  • “Go Viral” becomes “Be Overused So Much That You’ll Silently Pray for the Sweet Release of Death to Make it Stop”
  • “Can’t Even Handle” becomes “Can Totally Handle Without Any Significant Issue”
  • “Incredible” becomes “Painfully Ordinary”
  • “You Won’t Believe” becomes “In All Likelihood, You’ll Believe”
  • … and so on.

The full list

“Absolutely” => “Moderately”
“Amazing” => “Barely Noticeable”
“Awesome” => “Probably Slightly Less Boring Than Working”
“can change your life” => “Will Not Change Your Life in ANY Meaningful Way”
“Can’t Even Handle” => “Can Totally Handle Without Any Significant Issue”
“Can’t Handle” => “Can Totally Handle”
“Cannot Even Handle” => “Can Probably Totally Handle”
“Doesn’t want you to see” => “Doesn’t Really Care If You See”
“Epic” => “Mundane”
“Go Viral” => “Be Overused So Much That You’ll Silently Pray for the Sweet Release of Death to Make it Stop”
“Greatest” => “Average”
“Incredible” => “Painfully Ordinary”
“Infuriate” => “Mildly Annoy”
“Literally” => “Figuratively”
“Mind Blowing” => “Mind-Numbingly Ordinary”
“Nothing Could Prepare Me For” => “Does ANYONE Fucking Care About”
“Of All-Time” => “For Now”
“OMG” => “No One Cares. At All”
“One Weird Trick” => “One Piece of Completely Anecdotal Horseshit”
“Priceless” => “Painfully Ordinary”
“Right Now” => “Eventually”
“Scientific Reasons” => “Vaguely Science-y Reasons”
“Shocked” => “Vaguely Surprised”
“Shocking” => “Barely Noticeable”
“Simple Lessons” => “Inane Pieces of Bullshit Advice”
“Stop What You’re Doing” => “Bookmark Now and Later Completely Forget About”
“That Will Make You Rethink” => “That You May Find Vaguely Interesting But Won’t Change Your Life in Any Way”
“This Is What Happens” => “This Is Our Bullshit Clickbait Version Of What Happens”
“Unbelievable” => “Painfully Ordinary”
“Unimaginable” => “Actually Kind of Droll”
“WHAT” => “Some Other Crap”
“WHOA” => “Zzzzzzzzzzz”
“Will Blow Your Mind” => “Might Perhaps Mildly Entertain You For a Moment”
“Will Change Your Life Forever” => “Will Not Change Your Life in ANY Meaningful or Lasting Way”
“won the internet” => “seems alright”
“Worst” => “Vaguely Unpleasant”
“Wow” => “Oh GOD This is SO Boring. Please Kill Me”
“You Didn’t Know Existed” => “No One Gives a Shit About”
“You Won’t Believe” => “In All Likelihood, You’ll Believe”
“I Can Not Believe” => “I Am Not Remotely Surprised By”
“I Still Can’t Believe” => “I Am Still Not Remotely Surprised By”
“You Had No Idea” => “You Already Knew”
“Before You Die” => “Before You Completely Forget About And Move On With Your Life”
“Make You Cry” => “Make You Mildly Sentimental”
“Restored My Faith In Humanity” => “Affected Me In No Meangingful Way Whatsoever”
“Breathtaking” => “Fleetingly Inspirational”
“$x Things” => “Inane Listicle of $x Things You’ve Already Seen Somewhere Else”

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2 Responses to Everyone needs this….

  1. Kate says:

    I know you posted this because you thought it “Will Change Your Life Forever” => “Will Not Change Your Life in ANY Meaningful or Lasting Way”

    Thanks for sending this to broaden my perspective while responding to photos from all my fans.

  2. Painfully ordinary if you ask me… zzzzzzz

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