• I had been carrying a concealed gun all day (for which I have a permit), but then when I got home and picked up a toddler the gun was uncomfortable in my waistband, so I tried to remove it. That’s when I unintentionally shot the 3-year-old through both legs.
• I was unhappy with my taco, so I opened fire on the taco truck that sold it to me.
• After I got robbed, I went and bought a gun for self-defence. Then I was showing it to my buddy two weeks later and as we were passing it back and forth it went off and killed him.
• I hired a band to play in my bar for two hours, but they finished in one hour and tried to leave, so I shot the lead singer.
• Some teenagers were vandalising my neighbour’s house with toilet paper, so I came out and shot one of them as they fled.
• A parishioner sat in a reserved pew at my church. People told him to move and he argued, so I ordered him to move and flashed my concealed carry badge at him (a vanity badge not issued by any law enforcement agency). He punched me, so I shot him dead.
• At a fast food restaurant, where guns are welcome, I unintentionally shot myself in the leg when I tried to pull up my pants in the bathroom.
(From the Parents Against Gun Violence Facebook page.)