Strrrrrodel is my name…….

Steve Jobs’ commencement address at Stanford in 2005 should be required reading for anyone in business.

Or life, for that matter.

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

One of the dots in my life was Robert Strodel. He died a few weeks ago in Sharjah just before his 61st birthday.

When I started working for Lufthansa at Heathrow, he was reservations supervisor and on a course in Germany.

I asked around what he was like and I seriously thought that his first name was “Fucking”.

“You’re not working for fucking Strodel, are you…?”

Few appeared to have a good word to say about him. Evidently someone with a tricky User Interface.

A week later, the office door bursts open and in strides a young – 2 years my junior, I was 21 – guy,  suited and briefcased.

“Did you pass your course then, Robert?” someone asked.

“Of COURSE I have passed my course” he bellowed.

“Here we go”, I thought….

Strangely, we got on well and he became my first mentor. Not because he liked me (which he did, actually, and the feeling was mutual – we became good friends), but because it was part of his plan.

He was a championship junior chess player in Austria and ambitious to an extent that someone would later  describe as “frightening”.

He was focussed. He had a plan for everything.

His father was Director of Engineering at Austrian Airlines, his mother came from quite a good family (I came to know them all quite well) and he was raised with massive hurdles to master and expectations to fill.

He started working life with no formal qualifications and somehow turned up at KLM’s cargo terminal at Heathrow at the tender age of 17 and got them to offer him a job.

A year later, he moved down the corridor to Lufthansa and became their youngest supervisor.

He decided it would be helpful to his career to be married, so he chatted up a bird at the Hatton Cross branch of Barclays Bank  and dragged her to the altar. That sorted the problem of only being able to offer his boss beans on toast at his bedsitter. Entertaining your boss is good for your career, ergo we entertain the boss.

He decided it would be good to have someone with the same work ethic to deputise for him, so he gave me more and more responsibility, gave me stretch assignments and introduced me to the people who mattered in Frankfurt.

Dot.

We worked 30 hour days (see above..) when British Airways went on strike (frequently) and worked out that we could probably run the reservations department by ourselves and trouser 6 salaries instead of only 2. The unions wouldn’t let us.

He told me about the Peter Principle – “everyone rises to their level of incompetence” – and warned that it happens to everyone and that one should tread carefully.

He decided that it would be useful to his future career (which would take place in Germany – all mapped out..) if his wife spoke German, so he shipped her off to Vienna to his parents and moved into our house. 4 guys and a mynah bird. A bottle of gin a night. Kicking a ball around the park with the guys. Permanent residents at the 3 Magpies. Crazy Strodel mode. This gives you an idea. We were the same size back then (I still am..) and we decided it would be financially advantageous to share our assets.

Jackets, for example. An incentive to be first up in the morning.

Invariably short of cash. His get-rich-quick schemes were hilarious (although DHL nicked our idea of couriering documents across the Atlantic – we were going to use our reduced rate travel until the company cottoned on and sacked us on our days off, but “The Times” wouldn’t put an ad in the paper unless we had a solicitor or something and we hardly had enough money for clothes – see above). A suitcase full of fabric paintings and shadow theatre figures from the Far East with the idea of selling them at GREAT PROFIT to the Indian community in Hounslow. Not a big market for Indonesian folk-art in the Indian community in Hounslow, but they made good Christmas presents and I think I still have some…

He never lost his accent. Heroically rolled ‘r’s. (“Strrrrodel is my name”….). An utter inability to separate ‘v’ and “w’ (“What’s that aircraft, Bob” “A Wickers Wiscount, you vanker!”)

His father’s engineering genes got lost in the DNA mix somewhere. His toolbox in his flat consisted of a single screwdriver with a chisel-like blade and a massive wooden handle that doubled as his hammer.

We helped my uncle move house. Ex-RAF Group Captain, Senior Technical Officer at V-Bomber stations during the Cold War. Massive collection of good tools.

“Vot is all ziss RRRRUBBISH?” he demands.

“They’re very expensive tools, Robert” says uncle.

“Expensive RRRRUBBISH zen”

After he’d moved to Frankfurt (I took over his job), he called me up one day and said something along the lines of “My salary deductions are more than your gross salary, you should come over here. I’ll sort out a job for you”

Dot.

I struggled along with a severe lack of German for a while and he moved on first to be an instructor at the Lufthansa Learning Centre in Seeheim, second to decide that he needed a different wife and then to Sao Paulo’s Viracopos airport as Handling Manager.

Visited him there when Ms jb had a flight with a couple of days off. They got on like a house on fire, she close to the point of spontaneous combustion and Strrrrodel liberally splashing petrol on the conversation.

Crew rest area. Don’t need them. We could sell those seats for $8000 every flight. Do you think your husband can go to the office, work 3 hours and then go and have a sleep?

Totally focussed

Then straight into Crazy Strodel mode, helped along by a couple of caipirinhas. Dangerous here. Always eat with a loaded gun next to my plate. Why’s that outside light still burning? We don’t know which switch? BAM! No more light bulb.

A couple of years later, he’s back in Germany after a midnight flit from Sao Paulo (never did find out the whole story…) with Customs supposedly in close pursuit.  Gets a job at corporate HQ in Cologne to project manage a task force reporting to the CEO and gives me a call to come on board as a domain expert.

One of the first things he did was to give me a pile of Executive Board submissions to read.

“If you don’t master the nuances of  language at this level” he said “you won’t be taken seriously. You can say what you like, but they won’t hear you”. Pearls of wisdom.

Dot.

Off he goes to Pakistan and later India where he becomes MD of Lufthansa Cargo India, running ropey 727 freighters out of the sub-continent to the Emirates.

By this stage, I’ve been in more or less constant demand for a wide range of projects.

Introducing QM in the intercontinental network. Let’s rapid-prototype with India and use them as multipliers for the rest of the Far East.

Dot.

The next time I see him, I’m Director of Key Account Management at Lufthansa’s IT subsidiary and on my way to a client in the UK.

Who comes striding along through Concourse A in Terminal 1 as purposefully as when I first met him in 1970?

Strrrrodel.

Now with his own consultancy and drumming up business for an obscure (at the time) airline in Abu Dhabi by the name of Etihad.

“I need Crew Scheduling software. Do you have some?”

Yep.

“Send someone down to show it to us”

As business-like as ever, then straight into Crazy Strodel mode with some wildly improbable yarn involving a camel, his 4 wheel drive Pajero, 24 Pakistanis and a sly-grog operation.

“Don’t forget to send someone down. This week”

Dot.

Etihad became our client, he became its first CEO, it grew from 340,000 passengers in our first year as supplier to 7.1 million last year.

At one stage, I gave him a heads-up about some scuttlebutt at pprune.org that didn’t bode well for industrial relations at his airline.

“If zey vould vork harder for ze airline, zey vould have less time for zis silliness.”

Strrrrodel.

Totally focussed.

As always.

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Tunes for a Tuesday – 13 September 2011

The Delfields – Bedroom Girls
Corey Harris – Frankie Doris
Ed Byrnes/Connie Stevens – Kookie Kookie (Lend Me Your Comb)
Fanfarlo – I’m a Pilot
Kenna – New Sacred Cow
Lucinda Williams – I Just Wanted to See You so Bad
Matchbox 20 – You’re so Real
Matt Nathanson – I Saw
The Byrds – Why
The Dead Weather – Hang You From the Heavens (Blame Apollo Remix)

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Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana

Groucho Marx

HT Clueless in Boston

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Cheap flight, cheap flights…

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Tunes for a Tuesday – 6 September 2011

Alanis Morissette – Mary Jane
Beatles – Good Day Sunshine
Billy Joel – Summer, Highland Falls
Brenda and the Tabulations – California Soul
Chris Hillman and the Desert Rose Band – He\’s back and I\’m blue
Field Music – Measure
Merry Clayton – Gimme Shelter
Ry Cooder & Manuel Galban – Bodas De Oro
The Strawbs – The Man Who Called Himself Jesus
Thy Veils – The Knife Child

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The Limping Middle Class

Excellent New York Times article by Robert B. Reich.

Premise: 37% of all consumer spending is by the wealthiest 5% of Americans, this caused by an increasing wage inequality since 1980. Unless this inequality is reversed (as it was between 1945 and 1980), the country will experience booms and busts due to the inherent volatility of wealth concentration – the rich stop spending, the middle classes have no discretionary income to speak of, the economy stalls.

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A day at the Kilnsey Show

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Bent

IMG 1838

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IMG 1874

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On exactly which planet….

Screen shot 2011 09 04 at 20 22 18

…do these people live?

An American astrophysicist, Dr Jason Steffen, has worked out a method that will cut the boarding time of an aircraft in almost half and save airlines £1m per plane per year.

There’s madness in his method….er….method in his madness…er, the first one’s right.

There are 3 traditional methods – by row number from the back (“Passengers with seats in rows 45 to 55, please board now”,  from the outside to the inside (“Will passengers in the window seats – that’s “A” and “F” – please board now”) and free seating (“Off you go and try not to trample small children to death while you fight over the best seats”)

The Steffens Method starts with the last window seat at the back right hand side, then skips a row forward to the NEXT window seat on the right hand side and works its way to the front .

Then it starts again on the same side of the cabin with the seat that they skipped the FIRST time through.

Then onto the window seats on the left (in 2 runs), then the middle seats on the right, the middle seats on the left and then the aisle seats right and left.

This will take a mere 216 seconds for a full Boeing 757, they say.

A full Boeing 757 with 72 seats, according to his paper

(The last 757 I flew on had around 190 seats, but let’s not allow practicalities get in the way of a good idea…)

But how’s it going to work in the real world, where EVERYONE gets up when the boarding agent asks passengers in the gate lounge to remain seated while he/she makes an announcement, where EVERYONE is a parent with a small child, where EVERYONE is mobility-challenged and needs more time to board, where EVERYONE is in First or Business Class or has a Gold Card and where EVERYONE is seated in rows 45 to 55?

Plus the usual suspects who are asleep/on the phone/on the loo/talking to their girlfriend/still buying duty-free/can’t find their boarding card/confuse the flight number with their seat number/want to fly to Manchester but are queuing up for the Mallorca flight?

I think I know how he did his test.

He got 72 athletic young folk with keen hearing and no cabin baggage, gave them a boarding pass with the boarding number writ BIG, lined them up in their boarding sequence and chased them with a cattle prod….

Put this in the real world and you’ll have people drifting around trying to work out if boarding number 51 is before or after 192, asking why they can’t board with their partner, littlies running around around screeching “Mummeeeee”, paedophiles saying “I’ll look after her…”, Pakistanis asking “کیا کر رہے ہیں وہ کہہ رہے ہیں?”  and the usual “sodthisforagameofsoldiersnoone’stellingMEwhentoboard” candidates.

Back to the drawing board, Jason…….

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