You Must Be From Away

>

I see that Pope John Paul II is being beatified.

As far as I can work it out, 2 months after he fell off the perch, a nun somewhere else was miraculously cured of Parkinsons disease and that evidently qualifies him for saintship.

I think I must be next in line.

I’ve been performing similar feats for years.

One company I used to work for turned instantly profitable the year after I left.

Another time, I folded my umbrella and it stopped raining, although Mrs jb claims it was the other way round. (Not much in it, though)

And – as final proof – Mrs jb’s recent cold (that she supposedly contracted from me) disappeared an amazing FOUR DAYS after mine went away.

So I’m waiting for a call from a phone number starting with 0039.

There is a downside, though.

It appears that you actually have to be a deceased person to receive the honour. (Probably even Catholic, but I’m sure they’ll make an exception in my case.)

The fate of my namesake (pictured above) is a case in point, so I might just drop the Vatican a note, asking them to wait until nature takes its course.

I’ll tell them that they should reserve the “Patron saint of beer-drinkers” thingie for me….