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I don’t mind the sadistic physiotherapists here at the Karl Aschoff Rehab (no, this is nothing LIKE the Betty Ford Foundation and Amy Winehouse hasn’t been here either…) but the Universal Neuroton machine gives me the heebyjeebies….

They strap electrodes at either end of the incision (which I’ll admit looks more professional by the day) and crank up the voltage until your brain’s on the verge of being scrambled.

And leave you there for 10 minutes.

But it’s the bloke with the bolt through his neck and the big scar across his forehead who’s got me worried.

Igor, I think they call him….