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….as John Whatley would say.

Needed to replace one of these energy-saving bulbs the other day.

They’re claimed to last a lifetime, but no-one’s defined whose lifespan.

I’m guessing that of a butterfly.

Given that the darn thing costs 20 bloody Euros, I figured that a quick functionality check would be in order.

Plug it into the thingy that buzzes if everythings OK.

Nothing.

Turn up the hearing aid and try again.

Not even a faint hum.

Try another one. And another. And another.

The pile of light bulbs in the aisle is beginning to take on significant proprtions, attracting the attention of a Retail Executive (Callow Youth version).

He shakes 2 or 3 and reckons that if they rattle, they’re stuffed.

They all rattle.

“They’re ALL stuffed” I ask.

“Every one of ’em” he says

A Retail Vice President then walks by and says casually:

“You can’t use the standard tester for those. You need to screw them into a fitting”

“But they rattle” says Retail Executive (Callow Youth version)

“That’s normal” says Retail Vice President.

“Wouldn’t it be a GOOD IDEA” I venture “to put up a sign next to the tester saying that it only works with standard bulbs”

The next 5 minutes – I kid you not – are consumed with convoluted explanations as to why it wouldn’t work.

• People don’t test bulbs At 20 bloody Euros a throw? 
• I know about it now, so I don’t need one
• Need to get permission
• But what do you do for blind people the sight impaired/short-people the vertically challenged?
• The majority of people are illiterate/dyslexic/foreigners…

I gave up and drifted off.

Last time I looked back, they were still finding reasons.

Makes me think of Herb Kelleher of Southwest Airlines

He said “Sure we have a strategic plan. It’s called doing things”