Well, my mate Houghton actually.
But if only they’d had this stuff when I was a kid.
And especially for wallets.

We were up in the Bay of Islands and bumped into Charlie Barnes and his family
(His boy, Robert, and I were at Northcote Primary at the time and Robert later became my solicitor. Until I found out that he a) had absolutely no intention of getting an email address and b) turned his fax off in the evening and at weekends “because fax machines need time off, too…”

We’re on the wharf in Russell and somehow (don’t ask me how, but somehow) Mr Barnes’ wallet ended up in the water.

This was back in the days when you carried cash, because there were no ATMs, no credit cards, probably not even a branch office in Russell.

And we’re all looking down at 2 weeks worth of accommodation/holiday spending/whathaveyou money bobbing around in the harbour.

Much hectic activity, with Mr Barnes being constrained from jumping into the water (because he wore a back brace and would have gone straight down like a lead-booted deep-sea diver), women screaming and fishermen trying to snag it with their hooks.

Someone commandeers a dinghy and they’re A L M O S T there, when a gurnard looms up from the depths AND PULLS THE WALLET DOWN WITH IT.

I kid you not.
I can see it as clearly as if it was yesterday.

Which is why wallets should come in green and blue and look like pliers….