Author Archives: jb

> I thought they had me wired up for video the other day. Until I realised that- instead of RGB – it was pretty much RRR. Aaaah. Drainage tubes! Those things they ram 5cm into your thigh under anaesthetic. And … Continue reading →

> This is the racetrack. Every 2 hours, you're allowed ("allowed" is good – the wardens lurk around with whips….) to walk the length of the corridor and then back to bed. Not as easy as it sounds. Given that … Continue reading →

> The coffee here's terrible. I think they make it by roasting used hypodermic syringes. mixing the residue with the contents of the gazundas and straining it through soiled sheets. So it was a real treat to get a latte … Continue reading →

> ..one leg's now longer than the other. I tried to point this out to the surgeon the other day, but he shot off on a tangent about how the titanium for the new bit is sourced from the same … Continue reading →

> The guy in the bed next me gets so many visitors, it’s not funny. Take that literally. I’m checking with lawyers whether I can publish this, but let’s just say that there’s a distinct lack of firewall between vocal … Continue reading →

>I wish they’d make up their bloody minds… First of all, they drain of litres of the stuff. Now they reckon they took too much and need to put some back. I think I should have asked to see their … Continue reading →

> I think I've worked out why they're torturing me. I appear to have offended the doctor. All this under influence of morphine or whatever goodies they pumped me fulll of yesterday, I'm supposed to have accused him of stealing … Continue reading →