It happened like this……I was back in New Zealand on vacation and someone picked up on the fact that – despite the bona fide accent – I wasn't local. "You must be from away, then" she said……..
That’s the thing with the Bionic Leg, of course. At some stage, it’ll want to get driving again.
So you do the research.
You get a bandwidth like this:
• When your doctor says it’s OK • When you feel confident • Not before 6 weeks • Not before 3 months
The hospital blurb says “Ask your doctor”
So I asked the doctor at the physiotherapy clinic during the final check-up (when she also determined that ”someone” had neglected to remove the drainage tubes sutures, one of which she whipped out – long little bastard – and one of which is still burrowed into my thigh and is resisting removal. But that’s another story)
From her reaction, you’d have thought I’d shoved my hand up her skirt…
‘Well, I certainly can’t tell you if you can drive” she said.
“You’re a doctor” I said “The surgeons say that I should ask my doctor. Right here”
She: “You can drive if you feel fit enough”
Me: “So do you think that the muscle tone and reaction speed in my right leg’s sufficient to safely drive a car?”
She: “Well, all I can say is that when my colleague’s called as an expert witness in court cases involving accidents involving hip replacement patients, he’ll say that anything within the first 3 months is at the patient’s own risk.”
So if I’ve understood this correctly, they’re quite happy to let you drive “”if you feel fit enough”, but when it comes to the crunch, it’s BOHICA time, with them lining up on the side of the insurance company.
The water in Bad Kreuznach is ascribed magic properties, which might be good PR by the City Fathers who are onto a nice little moneyspinner, or it might actually be true.
What isn't disputed , though, is that the springs around here have a saline concentration that made it commercially viable to produce common salt here in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
So instead of sending people to the North Sea to experience the bracing maritime air and supercharge the lungs, why not recreate the same (SAME…..?) environment here.
In the middle of the woods?
What you do is build a sodding great wooden wall, stuff it with thorny bits from trees that you've chopped down and then trickle water down it.
Then you pump the water up to the top ad infinitum and the people will gather around and breath the salt-laden air, hold seashells to their ears and think that they're on the beach.
What you DON'T want to do is look too closely at the water gathered at the bottom, waiting to be recycled vertically.
Not a good idea.
"Murky" doesn't even BEGIN to describe it.
I think I feel a severe case of Legionnaires' Disease coming on…..
> Things are moving towards a tipping point over here.
Despite the almost incestuous relationship that Germans have with their cars, there’ll come a time when there’ll be a lemming-like rush away from personal transportation to public transport.
I have no idea when the pain-point will be reached, but if oil reaches $200 a barrel – forecast for this year – it can’t be far away.
It’s not actually the price of the core product that leverages the price at the pump – it’s the draconian tax regime that’s crept in over the years and given a kick up the bum by the Greens when they formed a coalition with the SPD back in the 1990s
With oil at its current price of $120 a barrel, tax makes up a good 60% of the pump price of €1.50 litre.
There’s a flat tax (€0.67/litre – green), the oil companies’ revenue (€0.59/litre – grey) and GST/VAT – a tax on a tax, ferchrissake….!(€0.24/litre – orange).
So even if the multis and sheiks were to give the stuff away for free, we’d still be paying €0.80 a litre.And if you’re in the States and moaning about $4 a gallon, just don’t!
It’s close to 9 bucks over here…….
And it surprises you that we drive fuel-efficient cars over here…..?
One thing I’ll never come to terms with is the phenomenon of the Invisible Walker.
You”re out in the open countryside, miles from anywhere and along comes a walker. Perhaps even a group.
You’re about 500 metres apart and the closer you get to each other, the more interesting the side of the path on the opposite side of the track becomes.
AND THEY’LL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A NOD!!!
You’re the Invisible Walker!
I’ve never come across this in any other culture – you ALWAYS say “Hello” and – depending on your language skills – frequently compare notes on where you”ve just come from and where you’re going.
I’ve developed a ploy, though.
You wait until they’re at about a 60º angle from you and bellow ” GUTEN TAG”, which is normally enough to jolt them out of “IGNORE AT ALL COSTS” mode and force a shamed reaction.
It’s a fine art – blurt it out too early and they’ll pretend that they were going to greet you ALL ALONG; leave it too late and you reap the acoustic fruits of your labour, but you don’t get the visual benefits of the shamed glance.
And don’t get me started about getting into lifts.
(That would be “elevator” for the colonial cuzzies…)
Different tactic needed here.
You get in and before the doors close issue a polite “Guten Tag”
Nothing. Not a flicker. Zero.
So you them look in the eye – they have too look somewhere – and say “Dann ebbe net…!”
Which means “OK, so DON’T have a nice day”.
Perverse enjoyment, I know, but you’ll never run out of opportunities….
It reminds me of those Hollywood B-movies where the aliens have invaded Earth and taken over mankind's brains, leaving them to drift around in a zombified state and gather at pre-determined locations for some more brainwashing or to receive instructions from the ruling alien clan.
But – this being Bad Kreuznach – it's supposed to be good for you.
There's a pipe emanating from what appears to be an altar (this is where my over-fertile imagination kicks in….) that sprays a fine mist of healing waters into the gathered throngs.
Who just sit there for hours on end and then supposedly throw away their crutches or abandon their wheelchairs and skip joyfully into the sunset.
I tried it for 10 minutes and all that happened is that my "Economist" got all soggy.
And then the wind shifted and someone else got the downwind benefits.
They were up on their feet in no time, so perhaps it does work.
Either that or there nothing wrong with them in the first place and they just didn't want to get soaked….
>Not wishing to be blasphemous or anything, but these three dudes captured in stained glass in the chapel at St Vincenz hospital reminded me so much of the one of those 60s/70s Motown backing combos.
The Miracles, Smokey Robinson’s vocal harmonisers, for example.
‘Aren’t we lucky people’ for use at times of sheer enjoyment. ‘
People just don’t think’ at displays of extreme thickness.
Now, why on EARTH would ANYONE in their right mind call a flash hotel by THIS name, unless room service REALLY features hookers in black leather with chains and whips?
Can’t get much more direct than that, can you…
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