Lobstah roll. Frahs.

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Posted in This is the life, Yum | 1 Comment

No secrets…

dl-front“How old are you, mom?”

“You’re not supposed to ask a lady her age. It’s not polite”

“So what do you weigh?”

“These are really personal questions. Lay off”

“So why did you and Dad get divorced”

“That’s NONE of your business”

Kid tell her girlfriend, girlfriend says “Oh, just look at her drivers licence. It’s all there. It’s sort of like a report card”

Later

“So. I know how old you are. You’re 32. And you weigh 130lbs. And I know why you and Dad got divorced” –

“Oh yeah? Why?”

“Because you got an “F” in sex…”

Posted in Bad joke alert, Too good to miss | Leave a comment

Tunes for a Tuesday – 01 October 2013

T4TAround the World – Victor Young – Billboard Top 100 – 1957 [Listen]
Easy on My Soultrack 07 – Free – Heartbreaker [Listen]
End of the World – Best Coast – BIRP! June 2011 [Listen]
For Me Again [#] [Version 2][#] – The Byrds – Preflyte Sessions 2 [Listen]
Monte Carlo – Le Chevalier – BIRP! Best of 2012 [Listen]
Road Hawg – Joe Ely – Musta Notta Gotta Lotta [Listen]
Take Me Home – Team Genius [Listen]
To Germany with Love – Alphaville – Forever Young [Listen]
The Wayward Wind – Gogi Grant – Billboard Top 100 – 1956 [Listen]
Whiskey Bayou – Hey Mama – Hey Mama [Listen]

Posted in Mixtape, Music, Tunes for a Tuesday | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Out of my depth

Had dinner with the author of this paper and 10 or so other physicists yesterday evening.

I didn’t understand a fucking thing….

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Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

A day in Munich with an iPhone 5

 

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Posted in A day in, iPhone 5 | 4 Comments

But you seem so NICE……

ag-atAn English friend (retired electrical engineer) tells the story of working with a client in Texas in the 1980s. He was based there for quite a while and getting on well with the guys he was working to the extent that he was invited home for dinner.

Gets on well with the family and on one of the visits, they asked himmif he’d like to join them at their church on Sunday.

“Actually” he said “I’m an atheist”

Stunned silence.

Until the lady of the house stammered out “Bbbut, you seem so NICE…”

Posted in True stories | 2 Comments

The waterproof Operating System….

iOS7-waterproofs-your-phoneFake Apple ad making the rounds.

People believed it

Posted in Airheads, Bloody hell | 1 Comment

Tunes for a Tuesday – 24 September 2013

T4TBe My Honeypie – The Weepies – Be My Thrill [Listen]
Cotton Fields [Live at New River Ranch, Rising Sun, MD, 1962] – Johnny Cash – Bootleg 3: Live Around the World [Listen]
I’m Too Fat to Be a Hipster (Mightyfools Remix) – Oh Snap!! [Listen]
Ma, He’s Makin’ Eyes at Me. – Teresa Brewer [Listen]
Noel – Mario Lanza [Listen]
Orange Triangles – The Electric Amish – Greatest Hits Volume One [Listen]
Tea for Two – Blossom Dearie [Listen]
These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You) – Peggy Lee [Listen]
Tiny Head – The Luyas – Too Beautiful To Work [Listen]
Where Country Grows – Ashton Shepherd – History of Country Vol. 22 [Listen]

Posted in Mixtape, Music, Tunes for a Tuesday | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bastards I have met

This one takes a bit of beating.

Germany’s a world-leader in renewable energy – more solar and wind farms than you can shake a stick at.
Obviously doesn’t come cheap and producers are subsidised generously so someone has to pay for it.
Consumers, mostly, and private households pay a Renewable Energy Surcharge of around €180 a year, 1/3 of which goes to industry.
Why’s that?
We’ll, if you’re in international competition and a heavy power user (as in: aluminium smelter/steel foundry), any significant increase in your production costs is going to affect your business model, reduce your competitiveness and your ability to employ people.
So the law looks at your power consumption per employee and if you get above a defined ratio, you’ll get a subsidy.
Except that the lobbyists who drafted the law slipped in a clause that could have come from an NSA backdoor exploitation.

It says that it’s not the TOTAL number of employees, it’s the number of those DIRECTLY employed.

So if you’re an abattoir – a classic low energy intensity segment – lay people off and rehire them (at lower wages, of course) via subcontractor, you can push your power consumption: employee ratio up to where you get my money.

The head of the authority responsible for managing this mess said “As a taxpayer, this makes my blood boil, but I have to apply the laws that Parliament passes.”

Which is why the number of companies getting subsidies has ballooned from 500 to close to 3000 within a couple of years…

Posted in Airheads, Bastards, Geriatric rantings | Leave a comment

Cousin Dave strikes again…

The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing “father’s details”

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he’s had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son’s conception was imaculat and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia’s dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise…

7. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time…. well, I don’t have clue.

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom

9. So much about that night is a blur, the only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can’t be sure which one made you fart.

Posted in Bad joke alert, Cousin Dave strikes again | 2 Comments