>All this organic crap is started to get on my tits.

New organic supermarket opened in town the other day and it’s all very nice and shiny and they have organic cosmetics and pencils made from happy trees, but I really don’t think that the organic chantarelles have to be dried out, mouldy and generally shitty-looking and no, I don’t believe you when you say that the ginger from China you’re charging a premium for is organic.

I don’t believe that ANYTHING from China is organic.

I can’t prove this, but I think it’s your job to demonstrate to me that you’re serious.

Organic fucking pencils….

It’s even worse in the UK.

I have before me a packet of Organic Milk Chocolate & Toffee from Marks and Spencer.

It says “These sophisticated (Realspeak: expensive) biscuits have been specially baked for us (Realspeak:We have a contract with the bakery) by a Scottish (Realspeak: benefiting from the EU structural subsidies) firm still owned and managed by the founding family (Realspeak: set up in 2006 and privately owned by a venture capitalist), by the banks of the Spey river (Realspeak: cost-effective effluent management.)

Looking closely at the ingredients, I learn that everything’s organic except those asterisked, “indicating permitted non-organic ingredients of non-agricultural origins.

There are a lot of asterisks.

And please don’t ask me to believe that palm oil is organic.

Grant me that much intelligence.

Please.