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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Valley
Colorado

24 December 1975

Listen, Fuckhead
What’s with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies?  Some of those broads will never walk again.  Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows.  All 23 of the birds are dead.  They’ve been trampled to death in the orgy.  I hope you’re satisfied, you rotten, vicious swine.

Yours sworn enemy,
Agnes