>Happy Pi Day

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Just the job.

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>True Stories – Tipping

>

Someone writes:

Many moons ago, I took my late Grandmother out to dinner at (what I then thought) was quite a posh resturant.

At the time, she had two new hips and was failing (85) although still as bright as a button upstairs.

She was also slightly hard of hearing which meant she shouted everything at you.

Anyway, after a nice meal, I paid by credit card. I then rummaged around my pockets for some change- didn’t have any.

So I said “Nan, do you have a couple of pound coins”

Rather loudly she said, “POUND COINS? WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM FOR?”

“To give the waiter a tip” I replied (quite sotto voce as the waiter was nearby)

“TIP?” she bellowed “I’LL GIVE HIM THE TIP OF MY UMBRELLA UP HIS ARSE IF HE’S NOT CAREFUL”

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>Recently seen on Ryanair…

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>Bad manners

>

Opel builds cars that not many people want to buy.

Being part of General Motors doesn’t help, but they’re marginally (if that) profitable at the best of times.

They now want to go it alone and they pretty much said to the Government last week that “they need €3bn”.

Of my money.

Didn’t anyone teach them to say “Please”?

Not “Could we please have €3bn”

No.

We WANT….

Lack of parental guidance, if you ask me.

But that would be GM, wouldn’t it?

The same company that flew into Washington without a business plan and asked for $12bn?

Thought so.

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>Two hookers meet in a scrum…

>

One says to the other: “What the £$%* do you think you’re locking at”

Search engines are funny things.

Google “sexy bums” and a post I wrote back in October last year titled “Don’t ask me … (about sexy bums)” is ranked 10th.

It’s the consistently most viewed post I’ve ever written, along with “Rick Danko and Levon Helm” (which incidentally ranks #1 on Google.)

Let’s see how popular this one gets….

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>The Formula That Killed Wall Street

>

Given that I once achieved a certain notoriety with a single digit percentage mark in a maths exam (my story: it was a bet to see who could get the lowest mark by giving obviously wrong answers, whilst avoiding 0%…), you wouldn’t expect me to try and explain this.

Wired Magazine, however, does a excellent job of explaining what triggered the economic meltdown.

Apart from greed, that is…

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>Clever clogs

>

Met MMTP (My Mate The Professor) for lunch the other day.

We were talking about cerebral stuff as you have to do with professors – moaning about the wives, discussing ailments, getting pissed – and we got onto the topic of kickstarting the economy by incenting people to buy new cars.

“What’s the average price of a new smallish car” he asked

“About €12,000, maybe €15,000”

“And what’s the VAT/GST/sales tax on that?”

“About €2500, maybe €3000”

“And the subsidy’s €2500, so the Government’s not actually giving YOU anything at all – it’s just getting your money out of the bank and back into circulation”

Talk about brainy.

No wonder he’s a professor.

AND a Ph.D.

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Precisely….

 

I’m having some work done in New Zealand by a quantity surveyor.

I found a couple of discrepancies in his initial estimate, so we had a conference call with him and the architect o clarify things and to discuss some other issues which resulted in changes to the original plans.

He makes the changes and emails them through.

Time from the start of the phone call to the email: 2 hours.

Got a bill the other day for $372.22 plus tax.

No indication of times or rates and – thinking that $200 an hour a tad excessive – I asked him to resubmit, given that at least part of the time was down to his errors.

Talk about precious.

Yes, he’d taken all that into consideration and in fact he’d generously reduced his hourly rate from $135 to $105 and worked a total of 3.545 hours on the issue.

3.545 hours.

3 hours. 32 minutes. 42 seconds.

42 SECONDS?

No-one bills with a precision of 18 seconds.

I’ve frequently engaged UK corporate law practices to advise on contract law.

They might charge £5 a minute, but they don’t charge by the second…..

Work it back from the NORMAL rate of $135, though, and you get…… 2.75 hours

I don’t like it when people pad bills.

I like it even less when I’m lied to.

Precisely…

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>Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder

>

Now and again, you’ll stumble across a website that’s eminently worth visiting.
Fermentarium.com is one such site.
“This blog is everything about beer, wine, cider, mead and other spirits” it says.
That alone earns it a bookmark.
With a capital B
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>There is no hope II

>


These are the 10 most purchased items in New Zealand supermarkets.
Words fail me….
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