>The Bionic Leg reloaded

>

“If Helen can do it” I though, “then so can I”

“I mean, she’s only a GIRL”

Some bastard nicked my bike last year and I haven’t bothered getting a new one, what with this and that.

(“This” being winter and “that” being getting Leg 2.0 a while back. 10 weeks, actually.)

But I wanted to build up the muscles that have wasted away through inactivity, so Christoph – good lad that he is –  has lent me his bike for 3 weeks.

Gonso to the homestead is 9.8 km – most of it up hill – so 45 minutes isn’t too foul.

AND I only dismounted once.

I seriously though the Bionic Leg was about to launch itself into orbit…..

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>The Phantom Bus Stop

>

You’re a nursing home and your Alzheimer’s patients keep drifting off into the nearby town centre and having to keep getting rounded up by the local constabulary.
The Benrath Senior Centre in Germany came up with an idea – the Phantom Bus Stop.
It’s an exact replica of a standard stop, with one small difference: buses never stop there.
The oldies wander out the front gate, see the bus stop and queue up.
(OK, being Germany they’ll form a huddle and start pushing and shoving at some stage. Forming a queue is truly a foreign concept over here…)
So every now and again, the staff goes out, tells them that the bus is coming later today and invite them in to the home for a coffee.
Five minutes later they’ve completely forgotten they wanted to leave.
I have days like that….
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>Don’t ask me…..(about herniated discs)

>My mate, the legendary Frank the Potter is at this moment in hospital, waiting for them to wheel him into the operating theatre in a couple of hours to fix a herniated disc.

You don’t want to know about the Keystone Cops episode that lead up to it.

You do?

OK.

Being a potter, he’s lifting heavy stuff all day – clay to the wheel, pots onto racks to dry, racks of pots over to the kiln, packing the kiln, unpacking the kiln…

On Saturday – they were just about to set off on vacation – he keeled over in excruciating pain, called the paramedics on Sunday, the doctor took one look at him and said “Hospital and MRI scan.

Get to A&E and the flossy in charge said “Don’t need an MRI, it’s sciatica, here’s an aspirin, go home and rest, you’ll be OK to go on vacation tomorrow”

They eventually get a clinic to accept him, find out what’s wrong and treat it like the emergency it is.

Thank Christ for that.

So he asked me to fix him up with some music to counter the boredom.

At the moment, he’s got my 30 year old short wave radio, Bose® cans and aniPod® with enough music for a week.

A bit weighty for someone with a crook back, so I zipped out and bought him a nifty little Sony® Walkman®.

Only weighs 64 grams including earbuds.

The bloody packaging weighs 200g……..

He’s better not try lifting that until he’s better

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>Rogue nations

> So North Korea and the United States do have something in common. They’re two of a handful of nations that practice the evil regime of double taxation.

It works thus:

You’re American and resident in, say, Germany and work there.

The German tax authorities tax you on the income you earn there, which is fair enough.

Then the American authorities pop up over the ramparts and want their share, too, generously letting you offset taxes on income up to €50k.

Of course, if you’re working overseas, there’s a significant chance you’ll be pulling in quite a bit more than that, but it gets better.

If – at some stage – you think “Sod this for a game of soldiers, I’m going to take up German citizenship”, the US Senate was a bit quicker.

Back in 1998, they decreed that you STILL have to pay double taxes for 10 years after you’ve relinquished your US citizenship.

And it gets even better.

As from 1 July ((I think), if you relinquish your citizenship, the IRS holds a virtual sale of your worldly assets and whacks you with Capital Gains tax for the whole shebang, even though you’ve not actually achieved any Capital Gains.

Although you’ll probably have to.

By selling your house to pay the bloody taxes.

Oh, and if you have a Green Card and they arbitrarily decide that they don’t want you to have one anymore…yep, it’s as if you’ve relinquished your citizenship.

What a ratbag bloody place 


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>Shit, this is a…..(Good Newspaper)

>

The Süddeutsche Zeitung is the cream of crop of quality daily broadsheets that we’re lucky enough to have in Germany.

It’s published in Munich and thus has the conservative-liberal slant that we old people tend to like.

It’s journalistically exquisite.

Read the sports section.

You’ll find writing skills that you’ll rarely find in other newspapers’ editorials.

Gems like:

“Frings – who displays his bad mood so refreshingly….”
Christiano Ronaldo is “galactic”, Schweinsteiger’s run from the right wing to the centre is termed “politically correct”, Mertesacker gave the impression of being “not only 196cm tall, but also weighing 196kg”

But it was the opening question of an interview with Heiner Geißler, a leading German politician over 3 decades and an enthusiastic climber at 78, that left me speechless the other day.

Lesser papers would have asked: ” Why do you like climbing? “

Not the SDZ: “

If you put a piece of paper on the table and push the edges towards the centre, you create a mini mountain landscape, because you’ve compressed the area of the paper. Basically, it’s the way mountains were formed millions of years ago. From a geological and mathematical perspective, mountains are actually large areas confined to a smaller space. They lay claim to the third dimension. Is it perhaps this dimension that underpins our fascination with mountains?“

One of Geissler’s answers – just for the record and heavily excerpted:

“Track and field sports are just hard work, tennis is a craft, mountaineering is an art form“

More of the same, please.

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>Where the hell is Matt – 2008

>This is SO worth a post. Although you couldn’t really call it a “well-kept secret”.3.5 millions views on YouTube since 21 June?

From his website:
Matt is a 31-year-old deadbeat from Connecticut who used to think that all he ever wanted to do in life was make and play videogames. Matt achieved this goal pretty early and enjoyed it for a while, but eventually realized there might be other stuff he was missing out on. In February of 2003, he quit his job in Brisbane, Australia and used the money he’d saved to wander around Asia until it ran out. He made this site so he could keep his family and friends updated about where he is.
A few months into his trip, a travel buddy gave Matt an idea. They were standing around taking pictures in Hanoi, and his friend said “Hey, why don’t you stand over there and do that dance. I’ll record it.” He was referring to a particular dance Matt does. It’s actually the only dance Matt does. He does it badly. Anyway, this turned out to be a very good idea.

A couple years later, someone found the video online and passed it to someone else, who passed it to someone else, and so on. Now Matt is quasi-famous as “That guy who dances on the internet. No, not that guy. The other one. No, not him either. I’ll send you the link. It’s funny.” Quite joyous in fact.

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>Tunes for a Tuesday – 1 July 2008

>
Dion – Who Do You Love from Bronx In Blue
Talking Heads – Found A Job from Live 9/16/78
Frank Zappa – Valley Girl from Ship Arriving Too Late to Save a Drowning Witch
Robert Wyatt – Fragment from Comicopera
Mogwai – Christmas Song
Keri Noble – If No One Will Listen from Fearless
The Boy Least Likely To – Be Gentle With Me from SXSW 2006 Showcasing Artist
Yo La Tengo – Stockholm Syndrome from Prisoners Of Love
Youssou N’Dour – Love One Another (Beuguente) from Guide (Wommat)
Chris Macro – Dub Revival from Homegrown Dub – Katchafire Remixed
Ezio – Brave Man from Black Boots On Latin Feet
The Verve – A New Decade from A Northern Soul
James Taylor – Shower The People from Shea’s Buffalo Theatre, Buffalo NY – May 2, 2006
Arrah & The Ferns – Tokyo from WEEM/SIRIUS in-studio 2-21-07
The Foundations – Build Me Up Buttercup from Billboard Top 100 Hits Of 1969
Para One – Severed God Limbs (feat. Busdriver)
The Romanian Empire – Now Becomes Now
Jimmy Buffett – Biloxi from Beaches
Chet Baker – My Funny Valentine from Let’s Get Lost
Guy Clark – Fool On The Roof from Craftsman

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>Shit, this is a……(Good Picture)

>Even if I say so myself.

Museum für Moderne Kunst, Frankfurt
Museum of Modern Art, Frankfurt

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>One more button…?

>

Don't for a minute believe that the Germans are a distantly reserved, analytical lot.

Not when it comes to football.

3:2 last night against Turkey and a slot in the final on Sunday (Jammy buggers – the goal uprights and crossbar had a distinct Teutonic look about them) and euphoria was still very apparent at stupid o'clock this morning at Passport Control at the airport.

This young flossy was showing her mates her t-shirt (not sure if it's uniform issue) while she checked my passport and was more than happy to be snapped.

Until I said 'Could I perhaps ask you to open one more button?'

Not at all happy, in fact.

Might have beenthe lascivious guffaws from her mates, of course.

I didn't hang around to find out…..

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>Don’t ask me …..(about Peelers)

>Gives a totally new meaning to the expression “Peeler“

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