>Simon Lindsay RIP

>
Oh dear.

This makes me so very sad.

Simon Lindsay aka Dodderyoldfart of Rest Area 300m passed away last Wednesday.

He had one of the best blogs on the web.

Witty, serious, cultured, urbane, articulate, outrageous, ironic. Plain funny,too.

You have to delve down deep into his earliest blogs to find out why.

Here’s a clue from 11 February 2005 – the day after he started and his third post.

The Road builders

My Parents were musicians of the long haired variety. The House was always full of amazing people. New Zealand was a very grey place in the ’50’s. Divorce Court proceedings in the tabloid weekly “Truth” were gossiped over, though no one admitted to reading it. Girls suddenly disappeared ” to stay with relatives upcountry” after “I I told you so…” dalliances with louts who rode motorbikes. Curtains were peered through, partyline telephones listened in on, Communists were everywhere, the yellow horde might pour up the beaches any day. But in our house there were legendary parties, discussions, arguments, and life was tempestuous. There were composers, poets, artists, and eccentrics. Many of them were refugees from Europe. Pianists, fiddle players, opera singers, and they were exotic. One of my favourites as a kid, was a kiwi poet, Denis Glover. I remember him insisting on carting our pet lamb around under his arm and getting it pissed on whisky and milk, and proclaiming that this was the lamb of God and trying to sing the Agnus Dei. I remember the frantic efforts to hide the booze when Denis came up the drive. He could drink a town dry when he was “in his cups”. His nose went red and his hair was slicked over, he fascinated me. He was, and is, my favourite poet.

The other day we were digging post holes for new road signs on Mt Messenger and hit a layer of red baked papa clay. The oldtimers used as it as road metal. The nearest shingle rivers were miles away. They fell trees and fired clay in huge layered bonfires. I thought of Denis.

Rolling along far roads on holiday wheels
now wonder at their construction, the infinite skill
that balanced the road to the gradient of the hill,
the precision, the planning, the labour it all reveals.

An unremembered legion of labourers did this,
scarring the stubborn clay, fighting the tangled bush,
blasting the adamant, stemming the unbridled rush
of torrent in flood, bridging each dark abyss.

Their tools were pitiful beside the obdurate strength of the land:
crosswire of the theodolite, pick-point, curved shovel,
small tremor of a touched-off charge; but above all
the skill and strength, admirable in patience, of the hand.

These men we should honour above the managers of banks
They pitted their flesh and their cunning against odds
unimagined by those who turn wordily the first sods.
And on the payroll their labour stands unadorned by thanks.

Who they are,or where, we do not know.
Anonymous they die
or drift away; some start the job again; some in a country pub
recount old deeds amid that unheeding hubbub,
telling of pitiless hills, wet mountain roads where rusting barrows lie.

Doddery neglects to mention that “the parents of the long-haired variety” were Alex and Wendy Lindsay.

Well he would, wouldn’t he…

Alex Lindsay was Concertmaster of the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra and recognised as one of New Zealand’s finest musicians.

I met Simon last year.

We’d linked blogs at some stage and I mailed him a tongue-in-cheek “Notice of Inspection” which he duly published.

So we’re driving down SH3 at the end of October last year, see a road crew. see someone who might fit the pre-conceived image, wind down the window and ask ” Any chance you’ve got someone called Doddery on the crew?”

Much mirth from many and a resigned sigh from one in particular.

So we leaned (shovel and all) against the side of the CRV, watching the rest of the crew working and had a chat for a couple of minutes. Confirmed that The Whitebait Inn at Mokau was indeed THE place for fritters (it is) and then

Him: “How did you find me?”

Me: “Registration plates on your truck. You blogged it a few weeks back”

Him: Pause “I’ll have to be more careful in future, then …”

The last time we mailed, we discussed fishing, the cricket, single malts, Don McGlashan and the Muttonbirds and the fact that we’d bought some land in Mapua.

“Enjoy Mapua and the scallops, you swine!” he wrote.

I shall, Simon.

I’ll think of you often.

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>The golden handshake

>
Or….

….and I wasn’t even wearing my Hirschhorn Museum t-shirt…

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>Why is it….#2

>….that around 70% of professional cyclists are asthmatic – up from 45% in 1996.

It can’t be because they’re then (legally) allowed to take corticosteroids.

And it can’t be a coincidence that the asthmatics are faster than the rest of the pack.

Or can it?

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>And it came to pass….

>

…..in the year of our Lord MMVII that Moguntium V was cast out into the wilderness of the Divisionum Secundus.

And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and the wearing of sackcloth and ashes.

And many of the gladiators did pack their meagre belongings into their Ferrari 599 GTB Fioranos and leave Moguntium for the greener fields elsewhere in Divisionum Primus and the populus was fearful of great hardship and pestilence.

Especially since Emperor Beutelus had laden them grievously with taxes for a new Coliseum in Moguntium Finthenii or nearabouts.

But, lo, the Prophet Kloppo did rise up and proclaim with blazing eyes and flowing mane of golden hair and sparkling teeth of white.
“I shall not abandon thee. (At least not until the end of my current contract).”

“They that heedeth me shall not perish or kick around in Divisionum Secundus for more than 12 new moons, but shall be protected from the onslaught of the heathen tribes of Greuter Fürth and the Kickärs Offebachium and I and my faithful band of gladiators (who were anyway under contract and no-one wanted in the first place) shall part the waters of the Zonus Promotious and lead thee back into the bountiful fields of Divisionum Primus strewn with coins of gold and silver and precious jewels where we shall rise forthwith to the summit of glory and rightfully claim our trophy as the champions of the Populus Ligus in MMIX”

And Fabianus Gerberus – never the sharpest knife in the drawer – sayeth ” Duh?” with vacant glance and a bolt of lightning from the heavens did strike him down.

And the long-suffering punters of the Tribunus Telco did shout with jubilation and were not saddened, but cried ” Malus passus not more. Get thee forth and do not multiply and don’t even think of coming back, you Depp” and were joyful.

And Senator Christianus Heidelus was also joyful and well pleased, because the denare tranferius was bountiful from the sale of the legionnaires Zidanius and Friedrichus.

But Presidentus Strutzius did weep bitter tears of anguish and was grieven.

And the Prophet Kloppo saith ” Come Haraldus, thou shalt not weep. There’s always next year. And we both live in Gonso. Not the worst place in the world, eh? Nice villa right next to the Wildpark? Quadrifoglio just around the corner? Could be worse. We could be living in Wiesbaden”

And the heavenly choir of cherubims and seraphims and what-have-yous did sing “Hold your head up“

And Strutzius did see truth in the words of the Prophet Kloppo and was joyous to hear Rod Argent again after all these years and did dry his tears and wept no longer.

But he still wasn’t very happy.

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It only took 42 years

DSC_0158
It was like being inside a huge breaking wave, with the ceiling rolling and curling above me and dark as dark except for the glints of light piercing the face of the breaker and the soft light flooding from behind.

That’s what it seemed like.

I’ve waited almost 42 years for this moment and – after all this time – I’m standing with my back against the confessional and looking at Le Corbusiers Notre Dame du Haut in Ronchamp.

When I was still at Westlake Boys High during my University Entrance exam year, I’d get my pocket money on a Friday and head over to the bridge to the city to buy books.

I had 3 favourite hangouts – Bob Goodman’s in Queen’s Arcade (where Marbeck’s is these days), a second-hand bookstore in a cellar in Victoria St East that smelled wonderful and has long disappeared and one in High Street that’s probably a boutique or a shop for Korean tourists.

And that’s where I bought Peter Blake’s Le Corbusier – Architecture and Form on 30 July 1965. Pelican. 7/6

And that’s where I first read about Notre Dame du Haut in Ronchamp

The roof – a veil – woooooshes away from the altar to the back of the building, counterpointed by the floor as it slopes down from the rear. And there’s a narrow strip of light, running around the entire structure, where the roofline meets the supporting walls.

The crucifix is set high in the wall against a window, visible from both inside and from the outside altar – an open-air cathedral for 10,000 pilgrims.. The pulpit is raw concrete, suspended in space and accessible by concrete steps that look too fragile to even breath on.

The towers are light traps, there are baffles to reflect and diffuse the direct light, the windows are gems with handwritten phrases from pilgrim prayers: “marie brillante comme le soleil”, “pleien de grace”, “benie entre toute les femmes”.

A twin-spouted rifle-barrel of a gargoyle sweeps water from the roof over the west facade into a basinbelow

The pews are 8 rows of concrete templates carrying simple wooden planks

Imagine walking around this masterpiece . slowly taking it in, letting the feeling build up – and then opening the door and … kaboom!

That’s why the only piece of music that fits – for me – is Zadok the Priest from Handel’s Coronation Anthems.

Worth the wait?

Oh, yes.

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>Lost in translation

>Mrs B is a qualified linguist, translator and interpreter ( I’m not too foul, either) and – over the years – we’ve invested quite a bit in translation management tools and kept up to speed on the free online services.

All of them can translate words and some of them – the good ones – can frequently translate simply structured text as well as a human translator. (But who writes simply structured text these days?)

Their big advantage is that they save keystrokes.

But there’s still a need for translators who can provide interpretive translations – read and understand the source text, understand which target group the customer wants to address and deliver words that transport the message in a way that’s understood.

“If they didn’t hear it, you didn’t say it”

So when Dubber over at New Music Strategies featured the Google Translation tool this week, I gave it the acid test.

Translate a text from English to something (German, in this case) and translate it back.

Do it to this rant and you get:

Why is it that rapid rain gets out, closed buyers into that droves?

Those is the only logical explanation for the fact that EACH PARTICULAR unfit slot was taken to all memory, I today visited.

That I do not need preferential parking. Already.

Or is it that usual putrid selfishly moving unfit parking – which I away best of times of pisses – connected through aquaphobic putrid strolls selfishly moving unfit parking strolls. Quite near the memory.

So it not bumsend to dissolve in the rain or which.?

Well, yes…
Back to the drawing board

But get your name on the list for Dubber’s e-book, ‘The 20 Things You Must Know About Music Online’.

It’s packed with perceptive comments and ideas on the way that the music industry’s going/gone and what you need to do to leverage it. Loads of commonsense stuff, too.

A job really well done.

(Even if he is dead wrong when it comes to re-intermediation and the economics of scarcity…)

And talking of linguistics – Dave Dobbyn has something to say on the matter:

Language [download] from Twist

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The Small fucking Who

My very first real concert (apart from tagging along with Graham Horne and his band (Jim Partridge, Larry Elliot, Pete Calvert and Roger Hickson) to church socials and going to Surfside in Milford to see a guy called Dennis in a blue and white striped T-shirt sing rhythm and blues) was The Who and The Small Faces on 29 January 1968 at the Auckland Town Hall.
Paul Jones was supposedly there, too.
I honestly don’t remember.

I’d wanted to see the Beatles in 1964 or 1965, but tickets cost £7 and in those (school) days I was getting maybe 10/- a week pocket money. And I was spending that on books and (once in a while) records.
Byrds, mostly.

But this was 1968 and I’d been working for a couple of years, had a Suzuki 150 (with the intakes modified to give it the “yooooowl” of the Yamaha YDS3 that I couldn’t afford) and I was earning OK-ish money at Blows Travel and Customs Agency.

There were three Blows brothers – Keith, Ron and Bruce – who had a big chunk of the forwarding business in Auckland tied up.

Bruce was the rough diamond. Ran a bonded customs warehouse in downtown Auckland.

Don was a bit more up market. He had the Auckland Customs Agency and imported virtually all the cars into Auckland. Drove a Reliant Scimitar and used to call us up when something interesting was on its way. Anything Ferrari. NSU Ro80. Lotus Elan.
In those days, you knew all interesting cars by sight. Auckland was a village. (People used to recognise my fake YDS3
“yooooowl”.No kidding.
And Don did the import for the Formula One cars that came through for the Tasman series every January. Bruce McLaren, Jimmy Clark, Chris Amon, Piers Courage, Jochen Rindt, Jack Brabham, Denny Hulme. So we got free tickets and pit passes for the races, which was pretty cool.

And then there was Keith, my boss. Keith was a real smoothy. Dressed in Italian suits, had an Italian Wife and a really snotty daughter called Bonita who drove a Fiat 850 fastback He’d branched out into the travel business and employed all sorts of slick, if not greasy, sales people and dolly birds. The REAL dollybirds didn’t normally last long before Italian Wife had them sacked.
Sort of Robert Palmer Sneaking Sally through the alley “You’d better find something wrong with her. KEITH.”

So we got the more flash sort of business in the forwarding field, with the tie-ins to the travel side of the business.

Like concert promoters.

Buy the travel arrangements from Keith and we’d do the customs bit.

The Who and The Small Faces turn up with tons of equipment, so you go out to the airport and clear the stuff (guitars, amps, mikes, drums, pyrotechnics… PYROTECHNICS?) through Customs and pay a deposit that you get back when everything’s re-exported after the concert.
And I got a couple of free tickets.

In between girlfriends at the time so I took my mate Martin Jones’ ex-girlfriend Annette Bierman (trainee nurse, nod, nod, wink, wink) along and I recall thinking

“I’ve never seen anything like this and I want more”
(Well yes, about Annette as well, but about the concert.)

The sound was probably crap, there was probably much deafening screaming, but I was hooked.
Electric piano, organ, drum ticking time on the lead-in, guitar, drums, Steve Marriott grabs the mike stand and screams “C’mon” and they rip into “Tin Soldier”
And on and on

And then The ‘Oo


They wrecked their guitars, of course, and it became immediately apparent what the pyrotechnics were for.
You put them inside the drum kit and flick the switch.
BOOOM. No more drum kit
And then they sauntered off stage to create more havoc.
(This is what things were like back then.Sort of as if Attila the Hun, Cossacks and 3 SS divisions had invaded the country within minutes of each other, if you believed the papers)

I walked out in a trance.

I kept saying “That was so great! Wow! That was phenomenal! Weren’t they brilliant?” and Annette is going like “Well, they were good, but not THAT good to get so excited about it all” and I said “YES THEY WERE AND YES THEY ARE”

I think the intensity made her back off a bit.

So I go into work next day still buzzing and I’m telling Graeme Wahlers who ran the forwarding bit about how great it was and that they smashed their guitars and kicked over the amp stacks and blew up the drum kit and it was GREAT and he turned ashen pale.

Things dawned slowly.

We’d only get the deposit back if…. we…exported….everything…that….we’d….imported…….

Intact.

So it’s out to the airport a day or so later and saying to the the Customs guy “Look, this neck belongs to this body and the rest is probably in that pile over there” and “Well, here’s the BASS drum – what’s left of it anyway, heh, heh – and the skin, well, the skin probably got thrown in the rubbish at the Town Hall. Big fucking bang, I tell yer. Clouds of smoke. I’m surprised there’s ANYTHING left, to be honest.”

Took all day and we weren’t missing much in the end. Drum skins. Pyrotechnics. Bits of guitar.

Got back to the office and someone asked how it went and Graeme – not your died-in-the-wool pop person – he was 40, for Christ’s sake. Old – yelled ‘The Small fucking Who and the fucking Faces. I never want to hear about them again”, stormed into his office and slammed the door.

Didn’t talk about the concert much for a few days and then only in whispers.

But this is probably what they played.

Can’t explain
Happy Jack
Ithycoo Park
Tin Soldier (For sure…)
Whatcha gonna do about it
Summertime Blues
My Generation
All or nothing

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>Kermit Jagger

>
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack.

So he says, ‘Ms Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long holiday.’

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says, ‘$30,000.’

The teller asks his name and the frog says his name is Kermit Jagger and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need some collateral to secure the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral.

The frog says, `Sure, I have this,’ and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about 2 cm tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, `There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral.’

She holds up the tiny pink elephant and says, ‘I mean, what the heck is this?’

So the manager looks back at her and says, `It’s a knick-knack Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.’

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>Why is it…. -#1

>
….that torrential rain brings out disabled shoppers in droves?

That’s the only logical explanation for the fact that EVERY SINGLE disabled slot was taken at ALL the stores I visited today.

Not that I need preferential parking. Yet.

Or is it that the usual lazy buggers selfishly grabbing disabled parking – which pisses me off at the best of times – are joined by aquaphobic lazy buggers selfishly grabbing disabled parking.

Right next to the store.

So they don’t fucking dissolve in the rain, or what..?

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>I didn’t meet David Gilmour the other day…

>
Or…
The best record store in the Vaucluse.

I didn’t meet David Gilmour the other day.
We were at the farmers’ market in Coustellet and Mrs B says

“He looks like that aristocratic sounding singer”.

I looked at this old
farmer with a nose like a walnut, selling pairs of organic cucumbers tied together with rubber bands and I’m saying “George Melly? He doesn’t really look like George Melly. He’s not wearing an eye-patch for starters. And you’ve never even heard him, anyway.”.

She: “No, the aristocratic sounding bloke who sings the song I don’t like”

David Gilmour.

Best known to some people for his version of “Don’t” at the Scotty Moore tribute concert. Which some people don’t care for.
(To the rest of the world, of course, as a Pink Floyd.

Me: “He doesn’t look a bit like David Gilmour”
She: “No, not him. Not the FARMER. He’s your age, wearing a faded red t-shirt. He’s gone now.”

Rapid pursuit, but he’s nowhere to be seen

She: “He was walking as if he was in a hurry”

I bet he was.
Probably peering over his shoulder.
Probably muttering “Oh fuck, not another bloody tourist encounter”

But it was David Gilmour.
I know it was David Gilmour, because the day before at the market in Apt, I found the best record store in the region. And it’s not even a store.

It had everything.

Nick Drake.
Gram Parson’s first band.
Tod Rungren

John Mayall’s late 60s stuff from Laurel Canyon.

All of Patti Smith’s early stuff.

Obscurer stuff, even.
And vinyl.

I know it was David Gilmour, because I bought 2 CDs .

One was Robert Wyatt’s “Solar flares burn for you”
The other was “The Million Dollar Session”, with Elvis, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins and Jerry Lee Lewis.

I know it was David Gilmour because the first thing I heard when I woke up after the Dylan concert in Mannheim on April 30 was “Comfortably numb” at the Meltdown festival in 2001. Gilmour playing guitar, with Wyatt reading the lyrics.

And it was David Gilmour because his version of “Don’t” at the Scotty Moore concert is impeccable.

(Albert Lee hooked me up to it. He mentioned once that he’d played the gig with Ron Wood “who wasn’t drunk for a change. Actually, he probably was…”. Bought the DVD and it’s choice. Not only for David Gilmour.

And it all links in with the The Million Dollar Session.

Which was Elvis, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins and Jerry Lee Lewis fooling around in the Sun Studios, singing gospel and old-time songs in December 1956 at the Sun Studios with an open mike.
And a tape that got lost. And found.

So here’s a nice little selection
George Melly with his aristocratic voice on “The Blues” DVD set, telling tall tales and talking – together with Chris Barber and Eric Burdon – about Sister Mary Tharpe (And his book’s worth buying too)
Sister Mary Tharpe “Don’t Take Everybody To Be Your Friend” from Bob’s Theme Time Radio Hour

Elvis “Blue moon of Kentucky” from “The Complete 1950s Masters”
Jerry Lee Lewis “Rock and Roll” (with Jimmy Page) from “Last Man Standing”
Carl Perkins ” Blue Suede Shoes” from “Crossroads:Southern Roots”
“Matchbox” – Carl Perkins again – by the Beatles from “Live at the BBC”
Johnny Cash “Four strong winds” from “American V: A Hundred Highways”
David Gilmour’s “Don’t” from “Scotty Moore – A tribute to the king”
“
Comfortably numb” with Van Morrison and Pink Floyd

Robert Wyatt “Soup Song” from “
Solar flares burn for you“

And I know for sure that it was David Gilmour, because Finn Mac Eoin, the Poet Laureate of Lacoste, told me he lives here.

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